do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
