Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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