I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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