Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
