it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
