That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
