Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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