If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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