im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
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