I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
