Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
