I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
