I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
