i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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