I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize