he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
