i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
