even my farts smell like vagina
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
