He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
