Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
