Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
