im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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