Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Randomize
