I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
