I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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