I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
