Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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