Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
