my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
