he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I AM VODKA MAN
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
