Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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