I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
