oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
