She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
