why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize