I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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