In the future we'll all be gay
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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