so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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