so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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