You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
