I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
