Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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