Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
