Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
