I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The uberlube is also flammable
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
