Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize