No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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