I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
we should paint friendship bongs
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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