She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
