i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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