Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
