i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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