I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
