So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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