I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
smell my finger.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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