i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
