The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
