Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
