Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
