I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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