I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
even my farts smell like vagina
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
