so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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