Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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