im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
