He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
