You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
