do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
