I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
