I can tuck mytits in my pants
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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